1) When you leave home, you always expect to come back at some point in time. Maria Gomez had expected that, at least, before she lost hope.
2) "Oof," A homeless woman sighed as she sat down on the side of the road. Maria Gomez, was her name, she had wanted to return home, but never did, and now she is out of home.
3) A racing car on the highway below sped past many like it, being followed by a troup of flashing cars. Maria Gomez had seen it before, so she just ignored the sirens and squealing tires as she sat there, alone, homeless, and hopeless.
4) The blowing wind surrounded the passerby's along the path, but lingered on one woman sitting on the side of the road, wanting to be back at home, but never returning.
5) A single tear escaped a homeless woman's eye, as she desperately tried to warm herself with the happy thoughts of home. The one home that she ever had, and would never return to.
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5 comments:
the first.
it has a good hook
umm... really i didn't like any of them. I'm not being mean but i just don't like them.
1 is best because you want to know why she dont gets back home
I liked 1, but 4 was the best.
4) The blowing wind surrounded the passerby's along the path, but lingered on one woman sitting on the side of the road, wanting to be back at home, but never returning.
It sticks to the point, and the descriptors are intriguing. However it sounds like the wind wants to be back home but never returns. You should say "who wanted to be back home, but never returned" rather than "wanting to be home but never returning". Its good though! I just think it will be a little clearer with that small tweak =)
I like the first one because it makes the reader think about what is going to happen in the story. It pulls you in.
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